You know when you start thinking about something and then all the sudden you just start to cry?
or maybe you just get really upset or super happy or..mad or confused whatever it is. but all in all..just totally overwhelmed with emotion

That happened today: here's how it went basically.

i was cleaning my room and picked up Paul's last letter which was on the floor..i was about to put it in my box  of all the letters he's sent and then i decided to read it instead..he is seriously THEE BIGGEST cheese ball. i have ever met in my life...what a goober. Well i was just readin through listenin to my i pod. and somehow every time i re-read his letter i find something i've missed before. and i was reading this last part of his letter and it just got to me. to top it off, right then our song came on...i basically lost it. 

Paul's Letter+Our song+Missing him = Insta-Cry!

i really do miss him a lot..it just is poo sometimes. 

 my friends..are soooo lucky! they dont understand how lucky they are to have their loves so close to them! 

A call away, a text away, or a mile drive away (or more) but a do able distance..I hope they never take for granted the fact that they have their loves so close to them, because it never should be taken for granted. I miss having my love so close to me.. really i do. i miss the hugs the kisses the fun nights...

• driving home and half way there..his car runs out of gas..my daddy had to come save us.
• lunch with mike and sar..one time he was wearing his brad paisley shirt and he threw me in a snow bank, i dragged him in with me. :)
• surprising him at his house with mike and sar during lunch one time with pizza
• us driving around looking at christmas lights...we see a car with an obama sticker on it..Paul-"i wanna pee on it!!" Me-"..lets do it" Paul-"really? ok!" Paul-"..do you have to pee?" Me-"actually not so much.." Paul-"next obama car we see were gonna pee on it"
• Sitting in a parking lot for like two hours car off and its night time..what are we doing? ..Eating of course!
• Him picking me up from school on his motorcylce multiple times :) Going to get pizza.
• I had a bad day, he surprised me and took my for a motorcycle ride, just what i needed
• He tried throwing lemonade out the car window..and missed..he was covered. :)
• Going up to that one place that you aren't supposed to be at..then a cop drives by..uh oh. we got away and didn't get caught..we're so sneaky
• His back scratches...or caresses as he calls them
• Family night with his family, meeting his uncles and them kneeling down saying something along the lines of nice to meet you my lady..(i actually cant remember what they said exactly..but they did kneel down)
• At his farewell, mandy throwing a fit because paul took her place on my lap with his head...mandy got her way of course :)
• The night before the farewell..enough said
• cupcake fight at mikes..sarah and i broke a plate.
• Giving a can of beans to a hobo...who was eating steak..
• going to the mall with wade and issac to get video games
• Up in mikes tree :) watching marley and me together cuddled on the couch..
• playing with my little sisters
• running around my basement trying to tickle each other :)
• Going to get the fish tank stuff and i found a puppy i wanted...
• paul talking to my daddy for an hour...while i was upstairs..those two
• Going to bridal veil falls..falling in the river, and mud everywhere.
• Going to nickle cade right before he left for alaska
• At mikes-paul and i are on his deck. he's givin me these sweet kisses and holdin me oh so tight.i try to get up to leave, he pulls me back and says "I'm not done with you yet!"

If you couldn't tell? i can go on and on...I love the many adventures we've had, and i love this boy so much :) and i am excited to see him again. 

  

My Favorite Senior Pictures

well..there are a lot more but..

it takes to long to load them so look at my face book :)

Senior Album

Beautiful NIght

So tonight i was driving home and as i got farther up the mountain towards my house. it was like i was driving in the clouds. basically because i was..

it was breathe taking. i even turned off my Taylor Swift music which is saying something...

"i drove through the clouds.  They were moving and shimmering in my headlights.."

i loved it...and i love how rain makes cool things like fog. 

Fish tanks

So I'm not very good at them...
And When Paul left he left me with his fish tank.
Well.. out of the 8 fish and stuff...only one has survived.
Apparently..it's harder than it looks..

R.I.P.

Johnny

June

Josh

Reba

Taylor

whats his name

&hank

The only survivor is Bradley..I like him :) He doesn't die.

And then i went and bought some new fishies and out of those six..three have died..

R.I.P.

Fish one

Fish two 

and quasimodo..(the crab)

He crawled out of the tank and dried up

Disclaimer: I am NOT responsible for his death!

Hitler, squirt and penelope and crab 1 have survived :) go me! I'm not a total fail on this one.

yay for fishtanks! and...the people who can't seem to keep fish alive. 

Sorry for the 10 who have taken a ride down the porcelain express...It's not my fault you fishies are weaklings..and just up and decide to die on me.

...i fed you.. 

Scary Provo

Today a girl got raped and beaten in Provo..right on the provo river trail. where i have biked before...

here's the news link: Search continues for man who brutally beat and raped college student -- chicagotribune.com
www.chicagotribune.com

My daddy always is soo protective of where i go and he always wants me to have someone with me..even in broad daylight which i didn't get..but guess what this happened in broad daylight..oh dear..i think i get it now. Even in provo, there are crazies.. thank you daddy for always watching out for me. 

today was a good day!

well! 

first off, it rained.

second, i took a ride on a Honda 1800, my new dream bike!

third, i played with my big brother.

three ingredients for a good day.

has anyone told you how therapeutic it is to dance in the rain?

it is like insta-happy! oh how i love the rain. its....my secret lover. :)

And ohhhhh that Honda 1800..it was like a pure high riding on that thing. loud and fast and ridiculously good looking. just how a bike should be.

Lastly i luff my big brother. so much. he is a cool cat. we went shopping and he put up with me and shopping. what a great guy! then we went to his friends to play and i met the girly he likes :)

as i said before. today was a good day. 

this friend of mine..

Well i have this friend, and we used to be such grand friends.

    like the best of the best of friends. since fifth grade..

We have had many a good times together..but as sometimes happens 

we grew very far apart.

Why? 

I am actually not sure..i think the main factors were that:

1. i moved.

& 

2. she got herself a man.

i went out to visit her last summer and we had so much fun. 

but when i got home for some reason or another we never got to talk much. i'd call her and text her here or there. but she was always busy. then when i wanted to talk to her really bad because my man had left..she accused that the only reason i was talking to her was because Paul was gone..that was a big ouch.i remember that conversation really well. i still tried to keep contact but for some reason it got harder and harder to get in touch. So i didn't try as much and i don't remember the last time we really talked.

then.. yesterday she called me. and said "i understand if you don't want to talk to me but..." 

and then went on to tell me how her boyfriend of a year and a half broke up with her...

i honestly didn't have much to say..i felt bad that he did..it's an extremely hard thing! and i wanted to be able to help but i feel so distant from her i don't know how much help i'd be..because i didn't even know what to say!I had no idea how to say those magic words i used to be able to say to her that would make her feel better! ..i felt so bad that i didn't know what to say.

i suggested maybe she should come here or something, not thinking she could. because she's givin excuse after excuse of why she can't..but miraculously she said ok and she even talked to her dad and figured out a way she could..

i was shocked actually. and i realized that all the excuses she had said before weren't valid and she just didn't want to leave her boyfriend..i even confronted her about that scenario a while back, but thats when she got mad at me and told me i was only talking to her because Paul was gone and what not. 

It kind of amazes me that all the sudden she can come out to visit now that her boy is out of the picture. :(

i feel like a used tissue sort of. sitting on the shelf when i'm not needed and then snotted on when i am. 

here is the thing..i want to be there for her but i don't know how well i'd help out..i don't know what to say..and i'm happy that she knows she can come to me..it's nice knowing you're a friend that people know they can go to. 

However, i'm not sure how i feel about her coming out here..

this may be childish and greedy sounding but here's to total honesty!!

Last time she came out here..

we had very much fun..

but she kissed the guy i liked!!

a lot..

ouch.

poop.

ugh..

..it's not like i have any guys for her to kiss and steal now a days..but this is my life..i tried to include her and keep her in it but she didn't have time! but now that he's gone she all the sudden does..

my solution is that 

i need time to think on this one..

P.S. she did text me here and there..so its not like she was totally vacant..but for the most part it was always me tryin to talk to her. but not 100% of the time. 

New Boots & Jeans mmmmhmmmm!!

so here's the story. not much to it,
but! i ended up with some cute jeans and killer boots. 
have you heard the song these boots are made for walkin? well here's a part from that i must say..fits me :)

"Swerve my stride, bat my sexy eyes. Where my boots at? Strut ya stuff come on!!"


then..the chorus part goes:


"These boots are made for walkin, And that’s just what they’ll do. One of these days these boots are gonna walk all over you" 


Well..if you couldn't tell i have a slight fetish for boots. and i like them a lot..and cute skinny jeans! i got two pairs today. it was a miracle finding some jeans that fit both my hips and thighs! thank the heavens that i found some that fit me!


my boots, by the way are cow girl boots and the other ones i like to call my city girl boots :) 

GOAL

blog about everything i've been putting off! and be done by this weekend!

saying "i love you"

so i love you isn't a phrase that should be tossed around or used to suck up to someone.
if you say "i love you" it should be so overflowing with meaning  and so sincere there is no way it couldn't mean something.. it bugs me when people say i love you..and it's empty..and the meaning is so shallow the whole "i love you" just falls to the ground. So my point when you say i love you..no matter if it's to a friend or a lover or family. be sincere. and mean it with everything in your heart..