there is something so gratifying about working hard for the things you get. A sense of accomplishment a feeling of complete satisfaction. Just knowing that all the hours you put into something gave back so much more in return. I just paid for all of my tuition with my own money and i bought a car with my own money. It's an addicting feeling really, so enticing. exciting... I like it very much. I like watching my bank account grow and then when it does shrink  knowing its for something completely worth it makes it ok. I always used to spend my money on fast food and junk that is super unhealthy or unnecessary ..not gratifying at all. It just gives you a fat butt,curdely stomach and junk. haha I feel like i've become much wiser about money and work ethic which of course is a good thing. And really, my parents have been telling me for ages about this whole work ethic thing and saving money not wasting it etc etc.. funny how really a lot of the time parents are actually right. Thanks mom and pops you're advice is top notch. :)

read the dictionary
go sky diving
volunteer somewhere
visit a foreign country
bottle sand from the beach
write frequently
push myself to be better
push myself to do better
climb to the top of a mountain and meditate
morning meditation
be in a constant state of learning
live in spontaneity
take guitar lessons
learn asl

i have to pee really bad and i cant go to the bathroom.
and im tired. and i want to just complain.

antisocialclosedbookopenbookoutspokensocialme

A very awesome friend of mine has told me on multiple occasions to start blogging again.. Because he loves reading them. Lately though I've been terrible at blogging and every time I have a good blog worthy thought its when i can't go and blog about it because i'm at work. note to self: maybe i should write my thoughts down? so i can blog about it later? just a thought :) I've decided he's right. I need to blog more. I keep all my thoughts in my head and i rarely share them. I have a slight fear of letting people know what cola really thinks. Side track: (cola is me..in case you were wondering Sarah so lovingly gave me that name and i think it fits me) I feel very exposed when i share my thoughts. I feel like an open book and i'm not sure if i want to be an open book.. Pro's and cons: 

Pro's- People know how i really feel/think therefore they know me better

It helps to express my thoughts better especially at times when sharing my thoughts is a must

"side note: whenever i want to share my

 thoughts i can't because i don't know 

how or what to say because i never do."

I think it may help me not to be as shy, yes..it would..actually.

I wouldn't have to cherry pick the thoughts i decide to share because they are all already out there

It be more cola defining

others could see through my eyes i guess you could say...understand better.

Con's-It's very nerve-racking and scary being an open book

what would people think? 

It feels slightly invading. 

uncomfortable

It be very... 

I've decided my "Cons List" sounds super pathetic...shit..I always have thought its very dumb to live in fear. No matter what its about. Its dumb to let fear decide how i live. It makes me this timid shy closed book type person that i don't think i want to be..

I get very comfortable and used to solitude. Somewhat antisocial at times to.. Thats not me..at all. I don't know when and where i let this shy person become me..but i did. It's gone past the point of shy to. its reached fear, which is not ok. I used to talk all the time non stop and i was very cola. and lately i haven't been..No matter how much a blog about it, its not going to change unless i do something about it. Which is easier said than done sadly..well i gotta at least try. You learn more from trying and failing than never trying at all..(hmm..that was a spiffy thought. i like that) So in that case i will try and even if i do from time to time fail and become an anti social hermit every once in a while...it'll be ok. Because i'll be trying and i have a prediction that in time i will be an open book type outspoken cola which from my pro's list seems like a good thing to be. 

"i don't feel very classy"

my conscience is pointing all her fingers my way.

and i'm trying not to notice

i'm at work

i work 10 -11 hour days usually

music and handstands keep me sane.

:)

With in the last two weeks I will have moved three times.

Rexburg Idaho to Provo Utah 

then from Provo to North Salt lake

Now I'm agoin' to Jackson.

"Yeah, I'm goin' to Jackson,
Look out Jackson town."

Johnny Cash couldn't have said it any better.

oh the changes life brings. 

" The key to change...is to let go of fear." -Rosanne Cash

"Each time we face our fear, we gain strength, courage, and confidence in the doing"

"Every man is afraid of something, that's how you know he's in love with you ..When he is afraid to loose you."

"Always do what you are afraid to do."

"Sometimes God Calms the storm, sometimes he calms the sailor, other times he may let us swim."

I think i may be afraid. but faith has carried me. and i must not let it drop me.

 Last Night Mr. David took me on a date. It was lovely. I had the best sushi I have EVER had in my life! Oh it was so divine. I highly recommend the pineapple grill. Its superb. We went to the battle of the dance to...oh my stars this one fella did a dance to a mix of the one and only Micheal Jackson and he danced just like Mister Jackson..it was jaw dropping to say the least. Everything else was just not as impressive after his performance. But it was all great. And I had the most wonderful time. We also went and looked at paintings and drawings in the Spori..some of the art there is just breathe taking. And to think my fellow peers painted and drew those pictures. Makes me feel kinda spiffy. David has taken me on so many dates and they've all been so so wonderful. He's a chivalrous gentlemen. I'm lucky to call him my darling.

Life just gave me the most sour batch of lemons..
I think I've ever had. 

Well..I just think I'll make lemonade. 

And smile while i do it.

:)