Thursday, June 23, 2011

read the dictionary
go sky diving
volunteer somewhere
visit a foreign country
bottle sand from the beach
write frequently
push myself to be better
push myself to do better
climb to the top of a mountain and meditate
morning meditation
be in a constant state of learning
live in spontaneity
take guitar lessons
learn asl

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

i have to pee really bad and i cant go to the bathroom.
and im tired. and i want to just complain.

Saturday, June 4, 2011


A very awesome friend of mine has told me on multiple occasions to start blogging again.. Because he loves reading them. Lately though I've been terrible at blogging and every time I have a good blog worthy thought its when i can't go and blog about it because i'm at work. note to self: maybe i should write my thoughts down? so i can blog about it later? just a thought :) I've decided he's right. I need to blog more. I keep all my thoughts in my head and i rarely share them. I have a slight fear of letting people know what cola really thinks. Side track: (cola is case you were wondering Sarah so lovingly gave me that name and i think it fits me) I feel very exposed when i share my thoughts. I feel like an open book and i'm not sure if i want to be an open book.. Pro's and cons: 

Pro's- People know how i really feel/think therefore they know me better
It helps to express my thoughts better especially at times when sharing my thoughts is a must

"side note: whenever i want to share my
 thoughts i can't because i don't know 
how or what to say because i never do."

I think it may help me not to be as shy, would..actually.
I wouldn't have to cherry pick the thoughts i decide to share because they are all already out there
It be more cola defining
others could see through my eyes i guess you could say...understand better.

Con's-It's very nerve-racking and scary being an open book
what would people think? 
It feels slightly invading. 
It be very... 

I've decided my "Cons List" sounds super pathetic...shit..I always have thought its very dumb to live in fear. No matter what its about. Its dumb to let fear decide how i live. It makes me this timid shy closed book type person that i don't think i want to be..

I get very comfortable and used to solitude. Somewhat antisocial at times to.. Thats not all. I don't know when and where i let this shy person become me..but i did. It's gone past the point of shy to. its reached fear, which is not ok. I used to talk all the time non stop and i was very cola. and lately i haven't been..No matter how much a blog about it, its not going to change unless i do something about it. Which is easier said than done sadly..well i gotta at least try. You learn more from trying and failing than never trying at all..(hmm..that was a spiffy thought. i like that) So in that case i will try and even if i do from time to time fail and become an anti social hermit every once in a'll be ok. Because i'll be trying and i have a prediction that in time i will be an open book type outspoken cola which from my pro's list seems like a good thing to be. 

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