"i miss you.."

"If you ever loved somebody put your hands up"

 
"If you ever loved somebody put your hands up"

Now they're gone and you wish you could give them everything 

hard

very hard actually

but right.

why?

i don't know exactly.

it's done.

running

ache

stop.

ache

feel

ache.

so

so 

hard.

but right.

Merry Christmas!

It's Christmas Eve

And It feels so lovely.

"Love is all around"

My family well,

they are just gems.

I love them. 

I love this Christmas

yes.

very much so.

84604

Hello 84604!!!!!

I am home fro the holidays

:)

so unbelievably happy.

really i can't even contain it.

The bus ride was unbearably exciting..not

but hey it got me home.

a nice African man drove me home

and helped me carry my luggage

and helped me put it into my Daddy's truck.

i get attacked my miss natters 

and play with her for a couple hours

video games whip cream and just talking

Then my mama came home and i tackled her onto her bed

in the biggest hug i think she's ever gotten

Then miss Sarah who was supposed to be in Idaho came and surprised me.

"what the heck??"

...

........

"Sarah!!!!!!!!!!!!"

biggest best friend hug imaginable.

We talked and cried 

and just loved being in each others company

Ryan and Lu got very big hugs as well.

My home is just like Christmas

and i love it

Hannah and i caught up on life

and well

to be honest

life

is

amazing. 

so smile.

P.S. i almost cried when i saw my Utah mountains.

&

thank you Matisyahu, Bob Marley, Bob McFerrin for getting me through such a boring bus ride home.

Except when i got to talk to Cassi..that was Grand

Real Meaning of Christmas

I hope, this Christmas season we don't forget the meaning of Christmas.

I hope we all keep the spirit of love, hope, peace , and giving alive.

I hope we all remember the birth of our savior Jesus Christ.

All he did for us, and in remembrance we give of ourselves to others.

Merry Christmas everyone, lets light up the world.

med·i·tate  (md-tt)

v. med·i·tat·ed, med·i·tat·ing, med·i·tates

v.tr.

1. To reflect on; contemplate.

2. To plan in the mind; intend

v.intr.

1.

a. Buddhism & Hinduism To train, calm, or empty the mind, often by achieving an altered state, as by focusing on a single object.

b. To engage in devotional contemplation, especially prayer.

2. To think or reflect, especially in a calm and deliberate manner

Meditation 

clears the mind

body 

and soul.

it brings peace.

within.

Elder F Enzio Busche of The Church of Jesus Christ

She apologized.

My perspective on her, has changed so much.

And I feel lucky that I know her.

 It's amazing what an apology can do.

And how it can change things.

My Prayer

"Faith is not faith..until it's all you're holding onto."

"God grant me the  serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the  courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to 

know the difference."

"Faith is a knowledge within the heart, beyond the reach of proof."

"Faith is deliberate confidence in the character of God whose ways you may not understand at the time."

Be faithful in the small things for it is within them that your strength lies."

"Faith is taking that first step even when you cannot see the whole staircase."

I have this prayer in my heart.

And i say it every day.

I pray that my faith will not fail me.

That when i jump, When i cannot see what lies below,

My faith, my prayers, my God.

will catch me.

I pray for strength.

that when God asks something of me.

I will be able to do it.

I pray for joy.

Because it is the most

precious feeling that can be felt.

I pray for those I love.

And for those who do not have faith.

I pray that all may feel love.

Because love powers

all that is good.

I pray that those around me,

may see who I am trying to become.

I pray that i will never give up.

I have a prayer in my heart.

And i pray that my prayer

will inspire and help

those around me.

I am also thankful.

For the past i have learned from

This day i can take

and the future i can write.

I am blessed.

And I am thankful.

I am loved.

What more could i ask.  

Finding the rainbow after the storm.

is a glorious feeling

 =)

This is Mr. David.

He is very sweet.

He's helped me a lot.

And I'm thankful for him.

for all he's done.


= )

Self-acceptance comes from meeting life's challenges vigorously. Don't numb yourself to your trials and difficulties, nor build mental walls to exclude pain from your life. You will find peace not by trying to escape your problems, but by confronting them courageously. You will find peace not in denial, but in victory.” - J. Donald Walters


i have a lot to be grateful for. And i am so so grateful. 


Mr. David shared this quote with me and i didn't look at it very close till now.
I can learn a lot from this quote.
Words are such a powerful thing.
I want my words to be able to change things.
and they will.


From my experiences, i will learn and grow.
And i will share what i have learned.
And with my words, my story
and my life will leave a mark 
in some way or another.
it will.

hello again,


its me


its been a very very long time since we've talked.
oh how i missed you.
and oh how so much has happened.

i think its time you and i caught up.
and i fill your pages again with me.

Lately i haven't known how to write whats been going down

im not sure how it get it into words

i feel it all.

every bit

i feel it but i can't say it. 

so im going to try something new.

i might not blog for a while

but i hope to write again soon

half the time i don't even know what words to say

i dont know where i am going

or what im doing.

i dont know how things will turn out

or what my next move is going to be.

forgetting

leaving

and pretending

nothing was wrong

it's not ok

you can't bury things

you can't hide them

and you can't pretend they never happened

because one day it comes up

and you won't be able to run.

facing it. and defeating it.

thats the only way it will go away.

you can either burn something, or you can bury it

 i'm going to burn it.
every hard thing i've ever buried.

I am going to overcome
the things that used to overcome me

I guess..

all i can say right now

"is this"

Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same

A tear may be shed

and you may be wondering why

you may even be scared out of your mind.

but inside,

deep down you know and feel its right.

so all you can do is follow through.

take a blind leap of faith.

and hope that as you're falling

God will catch you. 

I'm happy I can squiggle my toes into the dirt. And that i can breath deeply. I'm thankful to have ears that can hear music, and the little things around me. For hands that can hold me up..when i' upside down. I'm lucky to have an amazing family and wonderful friends. I love that I can love. I adore the feeling of love. I like it when my back is scratched. And I love kisses. I think that life is full of little wonders. And I hope that i can become who i want to be. I love shooting stars and making wishes on them. I love stars.

Today when I went on a walk with David.

We walked by this tree.

And some one had carved into it.

"I Love J"

I adore whoever it was that wrote that.

It made me. Smile.

Have you ever just taken the time to look and listen to the world around you?

If you open your eyes and decide to see

the world will amaze you with its little wonders.

I promise you it will.

If you listen to the world around you.

I know you'll never hear in the same way again.

Have you taken the time to appreciate all the you have?

Even when you feel like you don't have that much.

If you open your eyes you'll find out how much you really do have.

and you'll feel lucky.

You know that feeling when someone is always on your mind?

You think about them all the time, every minute almost.

And then you get to see them? 

It's a good feeling. 

very much so.

I was meditating yesterday.

And I cried my eyes out.

Because I realized how lucky I am to be me.

I sat and looked at myself in the mirror

And had the deepest love and appreciation

for me.

And I looked at myself.

I saw every flaw

every scar.

every tear.

but still.

I felt lucky to be me.

I found part of myself.

and it was such a blessing.

have you ever tried fixing yourself?

And to be honest..you don't know what the hell you are doing?

But all you can do is go forward. 

And try.

Never giving up.

Because fixing yourself is the most important thing. 

and you know it is.

And even though you don't know how you're going to do it.

you know you have to.

and you know you will.

It feels like walking through a forest..blindfolded. but sooner or later you're bound to reach the end.

I hope I reach the end soon.

I wanted to just say that..

my favorite flower is a sunflower

and

my favorite tree is a willow

one more thing? i haven't gotten a letter from Paul in a month. Which i am happy about. that means he's working hard. I'll be excited to read what he's been up to when i get a letter from him.

I haven't said to much about what i've been up to though.

So here's a quick list.

• Classes. Six tests in one week. 
• Roommates: are amazing
• Shooting jack rabbits
• 80's party 
• Driving down to provo & going to tucano's with dean 
• Seeing william and sar and my lovely family. 
• Going boating when the water was 60 degrees.
• Enchilada dinner, N64, and lots of games and fun.
• Crepes & general conference.
• Webcam with my dear friend sar. 
• DI!!
• Porter park.
• motorcycle ride on good old hub
• Date with Jon to craigo's
• Cutting tanners hair & that one movie night and what not
• Kyle, darren, bobby...enough said. 
• Rollerblading with chelsea
• roller blading with kyle and feeding ducks. (ralph the retard duck with no foot)
• cave exploring with cell phone lights from midnight to one ish.
• running through cold sprinklers with david when its like 50 degrees out. almost getting killed by ducks..then hot fudge sundaes.
• and lastly..learning a lot about myself...alot.

If you are respected.

Value that. 

and honor it.

And do everything you can to keep that respect.

Because it means more than you'll ever know.

Its sad if that respect is lost.

thats all i have to say. Its just sad..

I've been in Idaho for one month exactly.

Time goes by so fast.

I love it up here.

And I've learned a lot about myself.

and who i want to be.

And i want to become the best i can.

And share who i am, with the world.

I want to share my passion.

with everyone i meet

in some way or another.

Maybe through

a smile

a laugh

or even just by how 

i look at the world around me.

Share yourself and who you are with the world around you.

And never hide.

Be grateful everyday for the friends you have, the family that loves you, and those little moments that make everything seem that it will be ok. 

The other day i was at the store.

Walking out of this parking lot and a lady came up to talk to me.

I politely listened and talked.

And was about to get into the car,

when she walked up to me more so and kept talking.

And then we talked and had a lovely conversation.

Two strangers.

who's lived were intertwined for a moment.

I doubt that she even knows the impression she made on me.

Because she did in fact leave a big impression on my heart. 

The best way to find out if something is yours...is to let it go.
and if it comes back to you..then you know.

The best way to be happy is to smile even when you really don't feel like it.

The most wonderful thing to hear is music. laughter. and the world around you.

To love someone, is to forgive. To understand. And to love them unconditionally always.

Appreciate what God has given you, there is so much, just open your eyes and you will see.

Be a doer..in all things.

Spontaneous actions lead to adventure adventure leads to memories never to be forgotten.

Find joy in the little things and you'll have so much joy you won't know what to do with it.

Sometimes..it's ok to cry. and cry and cry.. and cry. Cry till it hurts till everything is out. And then cry some more.

Be grateful for the tears that may come, they'll help you grow. they'll bring you peace.

Love even when you don't want to.

Even when someone has hurt you..remember it will be ok and time will heal all wounds. Smile because you know it will be ok, even if its not right now.

Take those scary nerve racking risks. In the end you'll be able to say you did it. And that you lived.

let others help you, it helps both people.

Make promises and keep them.

Don't be scared to show your feelings no matter what the circumstance.

Never lie. Or cheat. Or hate.

love is the most tender thing.
Its fragile yet strong.
it can be the most wonderful yet painful thing.
Either way, how lucky am i..

that I nicole, can feel love.

In so many different thing.

The world around me
the family who i cherish
friends that i adore.

I am lucky to love.

The world is such a beautiful place
take time to just stop and look and listen.
I promise you'll fall in love with it.

I did yoga today under a willow tree in a golden sunlight.
and i felt such gratitude. I've been feeling that a lot lately.
I'm so thankful..

Even through hard times, i can't stop smiling because i love the
little wonders the world has in store for me.
I want to explore the world.

Life is changing...and I'm trying my best to keep up.

Its been so long since I've really written and so much has happened.

I'm not living at home any more

I'm not even in Utah anymore.

I have five roommates

And I live in Idaho.

I am going to college at BYU-I

I am taking 5 classes and love them.

I have had to leave the people I love most

And I miss them terribly..you know who you are.

But on the bright side I've met some wonderful people up here

Really i adore it up here I love the people and the atmosphere.

I always am doing one thing or another and its an exciting new adventure.

Latin dancing

Grocery shopping for the first time

realizing how fast money goes

having my own kitchen (sorta)

Meeting people

Riding an mechanical bull..

Oh goodness

But how I miss my best friends.

The week before I left Sarah dear stayed with me a couple days.

William and I went to the temple everyday.

Sarah and I put hemp in our hair

And roller bladed and did yoga at midnight.

Sar Saria and I rafted down the Provo river..

It was amazing

Those girls saved me and I'm so grateful for them.

He came over on Friday.

I couldn't take it..I almost threw up.

I snuck out and met up with Sar and Saria.

Didn't go home till I absolutely had to..

Those two are amazing and the best friends anyone could ask for.

They just really made me feel so much better.

We played with spray paint

danced and did yoga.

Sang the night away till four in the morning.

Friday was also Natalie's birthday, My baby sister is growing up so so fast.

So is my other baby sister. Natalie turned ten and i surprised her at school with

candy and a balloon. She was so happy. Then we took her to get her ears pierced.

What a big girl she's becoming, I swear though, she is trying to grow up to fast.

She's just like me in so many ways. I love her so much.

Then Melissa..my other baby sister, she is in high school now!

I really can't believe it. She loves high school.

And I'm so happy for her. I went to her high school orientation with her.

I complained the whole time but really i wouldn't have wanted to be anywhere else.

That day I also hung out with William all day, we cleaned out his car.

And did things..but i don't remember what else..I think we hung out with Bronwen.

Yes yes..that was it. We hung out with Bronwen. 

Saturday night was good to.

Saturday was just the perfect way to end my last day in Provo.

Now here i am at BYU Idaho 

And one week has already gone by.

Crazy how time flies and how fast people change and grow.

Sarah finished yoga school

and here i am starting college working on applying for the nursing program.

I've met some great people. My roommates
These two really nice guys.
Some other guys from our ward and some we met at the park.

Oh goodness the park. Porter park. It's my haven.
I love it. If Sarah were here i know we'd be there all the time
Or William. William and I went to the park almost everyday.
He is such a wonderful best friend..

Family is great to.

My mom and i went shopping before i left

for tons of college things. 

It was great.

Sarah and i also roller bladed the Provo canyon 

it was amazing.

next time we plan on roller blading the canyon...

hand cuffed to each other.

We're crazy haha..

Our adventures..we could make a book.

I'm so excited for life right now. I adore it..

But sometimes i really wish i could stay in the past while moving into my future.

I feel so young. And so not ready to grow up.

But it's coming so fast, sometimes it really just gets me.

Life never does slow down and that's why it's so important to live in every opportunity 

take every chance and be the person you love most.

Don't waste a second...

Living laughing and learning.

Its all about learning how to dance in the rain.

Instead of waiting for the storm to pass.

And taking things for what they are.

Not worrying.

Letting the pieces fall where they may..

Its so hard sometimes though.

I wish at times i could shout out my thoughts..

Those ones i don't share..

What a freeing feeling that would give.

But scary at the same time..I'd be exposed.

And that's not something I'm willing to risk.

I guess there is just one thought i keep in.

But i feel like it's very important that i do.

because if it came out it could possibly ruin.

this thing that i hold really dear. 

I'm rambling..

i do that so much.

But there's no better place to ramble than on a blog.

that's for sure.

Sar And I :)

We finally did it!! 

We hemped our hair!

And then today we're gonna go to 

roller blade in the canyon!!

And done! 

I love you Sar!

The William & Nicole Adventures

just some things we've been up to.

going to the temple and the park

and to Bronwens to play cards and eat brownies and such :)

oh! and taking his mission pictures to send in!!

he's such a goof ball

( He said "hey if I stand by this book shelf it will make me look super smart")

then here's from when we went to the temple.

 

(sleepy boy) 

(this one is funny) 

he's such a wierdo

(oops zoomed in!)

(he's always making a dumb face)

(this ones a bit better)

Then some pictures I took at the temple

of the grounds

(this little guy was just so cute I couldn't resist taking a picture)

Then at Bronwens lovely home

(I don't think he gets that you drink out of a tea cup..and that you don't eat it)

We had such a great time, I taught Bronwen how to shuffle cards all fancy..

tried to teach William..he's not that talented with cards i guess.

Cuz they ended up all over the floor..

Then William and I at the Park :)

we swung on the swings and watched many a clouds.

And we climbed the rope thing. and my phone 

committed a suicide jump..

and William got a kick out of pinning me and tickling me..

That boy is gonna get it one day.

(there's that dumb face again haha)

(I'm scared...)

He's such a dork :)

The other day we saw the funniest thing.

This car had a nice legit bike rack on the back of the car..

and guess what they put on it instead of a bike..

Yep! hahahahaha toooo funny :)

the other day my fam and I went way up into the mountains

it was so so gorgeous!

loved it :)

It rained, hailed and was sunny all with in twenty minutes.

crazy?

yes..

here's some pictures 

hehe..this made me laugh we passed it on our way up into the mountains

naked anyone?

I'm gonna miss sarah with all my heart..

she's my very best friend.

forever and ever