I guess..

all i can say right now

"is this"

Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same

A tear may be shed

and you may be wondering why

you may even be scared out of your mind.

but inside,

deep down you know and feel its right.

so all you can do is follow through.

take a blind leap of faith.

and hope that as you're falling

God will catch you. 

I'm happy I can squiggle my toes into the dirt. And that i can breath deeply. I'm thankful to have ears that can hear music, and the little things around me. For hands that can hold me up..when i' upside down. I'm lucky to have an amazing family and wonderful friends. I love that I can love. I adore the feeling of love. I like it when my back is scratched. And I love kisses. I think that life is full of little wonders. And I hope that i can become who i want to be. I love shooting stars and making wishes on them. I love stars.

Today when I went on a walk with David.

We walked by this tree.

And some one had carved into it.

"I Love J"

I adore whoever it was that wrote that.

It made me. Smile.

Have you ever just taken the time to look and listen to the world around you?

If you open your eyes and decide to see

the world will amaze you with its little wonders.

I promise you it will.

If you listen to the world around you.

I know you'll never hear in the same way again.

Have you taken the time to appreciate all the you have?

Even when you feel like you don't have that much.

If you open your eyes you'll find out how much you really do have.

and you'll feel lucky.

You know that feeling when someone is always on your mind?

You think about them all the time, every minute almost.

And then you get to see them? 

It's a good feeling. 

very much so.

I was meditating yesterday.

And I cried my eyes out.

Because I realized how lucky I am to be me.

I sat and looked at myself in the mirror

And had the deepest love and appreciation

for me.

And I looked at myself.

I saw every flaw

every scar.

every tear.

but still.

I felt lucky to be me.

I found part of myself.

and it was such a blessing.

have you ever tried fixing yourself?

And to be honest..you don't know what the hell you are doing?

But all you can do is go forward. 

And try.

Never giving up.

Because fixing yourself is the most important thing. 

and you know it is.

And even though you don't know how you're going to do it.

you know you have to.

and you know you will.

It feels like walking through a forest..blindfolded. but sooner or later you're bound to reach the end.

I hope I reach the end soon.

I wanted to just say that..

my favorite flower is a sunflower

and

my favorite tree is a willow

one more thing? i haven't gotten a letter from Paul in a month. Which i am happy about. that means he's working hard. I'll be excited to read what he's been up to when i get a letter from him.

I haven't said to much about what i've been up to though.

So here's a quick list.

• Classes. Six tests in one week. 
• Roommates: are amazing
• Shooting jack rabbits
• 80's party 
• Driving down to provo & going to tucano's with dean 
• Seeing william and sar and my lovely family. 
• Going boating when the water was 60 degrees.
• Enchilada dinner, N64, and lots of games and fun.
• Crepes & general conference.
• Webcam with my dear friend sar. 
• DI!!
• Porter park.
• motorcycle ride on good old hub
• Date with Jon to craigo's
• Cutting tanners hair & that one movie night and what not
• Kyle, darren, bobby...enough said. 
• Rollerblading with chelsea
• roller blading with kyle and feeding ducks. (ralph the retard duck with no foot)
• cave exploring with cell phone lights from midnight to one ish.
• running through cold sprinklers with david when its like 50 degrees out. almost getting killed by ducks..then hot fudge sundaes.
• and lastly..learning a lot about myself...alot.

If you are respected.

Value that. 

and honor it.

And do everything you can to keep that respect.

Because it means more than you'll ever know.

Its sad if that respect is lost.

thats all i have to say. Its just sad..

I've been in Idaho for one month exactly.

Time goes by so fast.

I love it up here.

And I've learned a lot about myself.

and who i want to be.

And i want to become the best i can.

And share who i am, with the world.

I want to share my passion.

with everyone i meet

in some way or another.

Maybe through

a smile

a laugh

or even just by how 

i look at the world around me.

Share yourself and who you are with the world around you.

And never hide.

Be grateful everyday for the friends you have, the family that loves you, and those little moments that make everything seem that it will be ok. 

The other day i was at the store.

Walking out of this parking lot and a lady came up to talk to me.

I politely listened and talked.

And was about to get into the car,

when she walked up to me more so and kept talking.

And then we talked and had a lovely conversation.

Two strangers.

who's lived were intertwined for a moment.

I doubt that she even knows the impression she made on me.

Because she did in fact leave a big impression on my heart. 

The best way to find out if something is yours...is to let it go.
and if it comes back to you..then you know.

The best way to be happy is to smile even when you really don't feel like it.

The most wonderful thing to hear is music. laughter. and the world around you.

To love someone, is to forgive. To understand. And to love them unconditionally always.

Appreciate what God has given you, there is so much, just open your eyes and you will see.

Be a doer..in all things.

Spontaneous actions lead to adventure adventure leads to memories never to be forgotten.

Find joy in the little things and you'll have so much joy you won't know what to do with it.

Sometimes..it's ok to cry. and cry and cry.. and cry. Cry till it hurts till everything is out. And then cry some more.

Be grateful for the tears that may come, they'll help you grow. they'll bring you peace.

Love even when you don't want to.

Even when someone has hurt you..remember it will be ok and time will heal all wounds. Smile because you know it will be ok, even if its not right now.

Take those scary nerve racking risks. In the end you'll be able to say you did it. And that you lived.

let others help you, it helps both people.

Make promises and keep them.

Don't be scared to show your feelings no matter what the circumstance.

Never lie. Or cheat. Or hate.

love is the most tender thing.
Its fragile yet strong.
it can be the most wonderful yet painful thing.
Either way, how lucky am i..

that I nicole, can feel love.

In so many different thing.

The world around me
the family who i cherish
friends that i adore.

I am lucky to love.

The world is such a beautiful place
take time to just stop and look and listen.
I promise you'll fall in love with it.

I did yoga today under a willow tree in a golden sunlight.
and i felt such gratitude. I've been feeling that a lot lately.
I'm so thankful..

Even through hard times, i can't stop smiling because i love the
little wonders the world has in store for me.
I want to explore the world.