Those Little Primary Stinkers

So today.. Torrin this little cute but VERY energetic guy said this..

Me- "Torrin why is your shirt half way off?? I think you need to put it back on or you have to come sit by me and not sam"

Torrin-"but..I just need to show off my chest hair! (he's 4) and...i want to sit by sam.."

Me-"Ok can you please put your shirt back on?"

Torrin-"ok..." then he puts it back on..however..5 minutes later he was starting to...un-button his shirt..one button two button..three button four..He is also looking at me making sure i "don't see"

Me-"Ok torrin come sit by me. You can't keep you shirt on.."

Torrin- His eyes get really big..and he shakes his head no..then says "...i just need to show off my chest hair..but fine i'll button my shirt up.."

Then Seth, Ian, and Christian decided to crawl on their hands and knees and pretended they were sheep. Baaing and everything. (Our lesson was on the little lost sheep)

Oh i love those kids. :) big class today to! 7 little stinkers. But so so fun.

Sundays are great :)

I love just relaxing.

And blogging.

And thinking..

About things.

Sundays are the best.

• Sometimes. I want to be. Just like a bird. And fly away to wherever i want to go. I think thats part of the reason i like the idea of flying so much. It feels like freedom..
• Sometimes i would just love to be on my own and having MY OWN adventures everyday. 
• Sometimes it'd be nice to be able to be 100% completely in control of my life and on my own. Not having anyone telling me things i "should" be doing..I need to find things on my own. And learn and grow on my own.. 
• Sometime i feel like it be nice to just up and leave and go on many adventures and find things and experience and see the world.
• Sometime..i think that flying would be the best thing in the world..actually i know it would be..

I'm ready to go. 

I'm ready to leave.

I'm ready to be on my own.

THE TRUTH ABOUT FLYING

"The reason birds can fly and we can't is simply that they have perfect faith, for to have faith is to have wings." -- Sir James Matthew Barrie

"When once you have tasted flight, you will forever walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been, and there you will always long to return." -- Leonardo da Vinci

"My soul is in the sky." -- William Shakespeare, 'A Midsummer Night's Dream,' Act V. Scene I.

The higher we soar, the smaller we appear to those who cannot fly.

- Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

In our dreams we are able to fly ... and that is a remembering of how we were meant to be. Madeleine L'Engle

 soul intention, learning to fly.

Condition grounded, but determined to try,

Can't keep my eyes from the circling sky,

Tongue-tied and twisted, just an earth-bound misfit, I...

...

Across the clouds I see my shadow fly,

Out of the corner of my watering eye...

...

There's no sensation to compare with this,

Suspended animation, a state of bliss...

-Pink Floyd, Learning to Fly

Creed-Lullaby

Hush my love now don’t you cry 
Everything will be all right 
Close your eyes and drift in dream 
Rest in peaceful sleep 

If there’s one thing I hope 
I showed you 
Hope I showed you 

Just give love to all 

Oh my love…in my arms tight 
Every day you give me life 
As I drift off to your world 
Will rest in peaceful sleep 

I know there’s one thing that 
you showed me 
That you showed me 

Just give love to all 
Let’s give love to all 



....yep.

I've been thinking to much..
About to many things.
And it's not the best thing..

I don't feel great.
So i'm going to go to bed..
Goodnight.

My Visiting Teachers :)

I have thee most amazing visiting teachers :)
Amiee Lohner And her mom Penny.
This Month, they Zupas for lunch and we talked
and ate yummy food. And they shared a great message.

They're awesome and so so sweet

Good day

Basket ball
Nap
More Basket Ball.
Made $65 doin nothin
Picked up Lya..Walked, talked and..yes basket ball :)
Then Movie With William.

Now? Bed time..I'm just so so tired.
But I don't know where Tiger is! I sleep with that little kitty every night :(

Happy birthday Lya!!

Today is June 24 miss Lya Santamaria's birthday. She is officially 18! Woot! There is lots coming tomorrow so..be ready! It'll be fun :)

Yesterday..well more like 2 hours ago..(it's about 2 in the morning right now) Lya and I went and played basketball and talked. It was oh so fun. and we discussed many things..haha Lya knows.

And i don't think i even ever blogged about miss sar bear's birthday!! So here is what happened, Adam and i planned a surprise birthday party for her :) I'm super un-secretive though sooo she kinda guessed it. But basically i kidnapped sar for the day. And slept at her house...That night i slept over..and we had fun. In the morning we woke up. Skipped first. I had this BIG fruit breakfast ready for her and a princess wand and everything. I thought it was grand. Then by the time we'd eaten breakfast and gotten ready, well we just went back to bed. We eventually got to school around chior time which would be like what..11:00 ish? Yeah something like that. We watched pixar shorts. Cool eh? And then Lya, Sar, and I all went out Zupas for lunch! It is soooo yummy! I love Zupas :) then we skipped our last class and went to uncle sams and got dog tags. They are legit. (thanks Kate for helpin me find where it is!) Then Sar and I went hiking. We climbed many a rocks and talked and such. Oh how i love rock canyon. Then i took her to Yoga. And i helped my 'nother mother and jenna and adam get things ready! We did this and that..much decorating :) balloons galor in her room! Then i went and got her from yoga..more so kidnapped her. and this guy asked if he needed to call 911..baha :) Then we picked up saria and went to a wonderful surprise party with Ris, Eli, TJ, Lya, Adam, Kala, Jenna, and people. We had a BBQ and played latter golf and her cake? was a fruit platter. If you know sar..you know its the perfect thing for her. What a fun day :)

I hope Lya has just a fun a day!

Hiking In My Rock Canyon :)

So i never blogged about the time i went for a fabulous hike in the canyon.

I was shootin hopes and got bored so i decided i was going to hike the canyon. How cool is it that i have this amazing canyon right in my back yard its. right. there! Beautiful Mountains and just an amazing place. I hiked up the side of this mountain and when i got to the top i sat on this ledge and i was sooo high up the people below me looked like ants. (maybe slightly bigger) but my point is it was amazing. When i got to the top i just laughed and smiled! It was the feeling of accomplishment, And when i was sitting up there i felt truly detached from the world. It was a really cool feeling i love hiking and i also love my alone adventures, the ones where i think about everything in my life thats going on and try to sort things out. Or just day dreaming and having no interruptions. On my way back down the mountain i slid down on my feet the WHOLE way! i felt like i was surfing..on rocks! then when i got back on the trail i found this rock..and i did a hand stand on it. Then i hiked higher up off the trail and found another rock and did a handstand on it. Oh how i love mountains. And the beautiful canyon right in my back yard :)

P.S.  I wasn't even supposed to be there. My dad didn't want me going to the canyon alone, but i went anyways..and had the most amazing time..usually i'm not one to advocate disobeying the parentals..but i'm not gonna lie, I'm glad i did..it was an amazing hike.

Ballin && Tumblin

So today i went and shot some hoops i was on fire. I did soooo good! i was bankin that ball and swooshin like crazy! I was proud of me. I love the feeling of shootin hoops. Just me and my music. The clank of the chains as my ball goes through the hoop or even better? The silence when the ball goes in and touches nothing. ahh that is the best. I love the challenge of trying a new shot and the feeling of accomplishment when you make it. I love shootin hoops. Very much

Then yesterday i went Power tumbling with my Buddies Lya, Kayla, Micah...(uhhh haha) and Scotty. But i landed my front flip on the ground! And on the stretch trampoline i did like 6 backhand springs into a back tuck! it was wicked. I love that place. Backhand spring on the ground to :) Kayla was wayy funny! As in she had to have someone hold her hand while she back flipped but finally she got it my herself. And Micah is crazy insane flippy dude..and Scotty..well he's just funny. Lya is super flexible and then Lya and Kayla got in the sumo suites and wrestled..i almost peed my pants. Then afterwards? Slurpees good night.

Worst Dream Ever!

I had a dream last night that Paul didn't love me or want to talk to me.
He didn't want anything to do with me.
He told me something along the lines of it just doesn't work with us anymore.
I tried talking to him in my dream and he wouldn't say anything..at all.
Except to not talk to him.

I woke up and grabbed my phone to call/text him and...then reality kicked in.
That was almost as bad as the dream, all i wanted was to talk to him and make sure he
didn't hate me anymore and i wanted to hear him say something other than go away.

After a few seconds I realized it was just a dream and Paul wasn't here and that I couldn't talk to him.

Sigh...that was poop. Hopefully I get a letter soon. That would be nice :)

Stupid dream..nightmare..lame subconscious..

A thug Story-Taylor Swift & T-pain

Sar-Me and you all the way. :) We own this!

Crap...

So i just changed my URL...and apparently when you do that it deletes all the comments that have ever been posted on your blog..

I am utterly sad...

So everyone should go comment crazy!! so i can have my comments back..

Laundry Catastrophe

well the other night i was doing my laundry..
And i always just throw everything in because everything is old and doesn't
leak colors anymore...

well i forgot about my new jeans...wahhh bam! all my whites turned blue!
Thank goodness for bleach!

( i lost a swimsuit, tube top, and 1 pair of undies though..)

I felt slightly sheepish.. :)

Summer

I love the boating trips
The sun tickling your face
The bare feet on the side walk
Shorts :)
Tan lines
I love the late warm nights
the rain storms
I love the vacations
Sleeping in & staying up all night
Playing with best friends all day
I love BBQ's
I love the 4 of july
I love the summer feeling
How everyone is a little happier.
I love summer dresses.
The pretty flowers
Laying out under the stars
Hiking
Night walks
Music
Friends :)
Flip Flops
I love summer!

Summer i missed you :) Welcome back my friend

Ooohhh I Love Those Little Kids :)

Well i am officially a primary teacher :)
I love it so much!

Some funny quotes from my little rascals?

"beeee woooo aahhhh wooopppp laaa eehhh aahhh....I sound just like R2-D2 don't I?" -Christian

"My mom told me to poke Ian when he's not being reverent..i have to!" -Christian

"is it coooolllloooorrriiinnggg time yeeeeettt?! i am soooo bored i just need to color.." -Sadie

"Is that a secret door!? ..Can i open it?" -Cyra

"My dad is aaaallllwwayyys gone! He sleeps at the airport and everything!" -Seth

Our Primary president was asking the junior primary what they can do for their daddy's for fathers day and she gave the suggestion that maybe we could help clean our houses and that it would make our daddy's happy. Then Christian leans over to me and says "Oh my dad doesn't care at all..our house is a mess!"

We were coloring in class today and Hannah (she was visiting) decided to pass out her markers and share. Before she passed any of her markers out, she looked at everyone and said "Now you get whatcha get and you don't throw a fit!"

"My name is Hannah. H-A-N-N-A-H...yeah its a palindrome.." -Hannah

Oh how i love being a primary teacher. I will add to this post every time they say something funny :) which is all the time!
-Some other events that happen in our class

Ian is trying to take off his shirt...i tell him to put it back on, so he does, backwards. Looks and me and gives me the biggest smile. Then i tell him to put it on right and so he switches it forwards and puts his arms in the opposite holes..eventually we got it right :)

Last week Seth, Ian, Sam, and Christian decided they were power rangers..there was much punching and kicking.

Last week in class time Seth and christian sat together.. Seth took Christians tie and threw it, so when Christian thought us teachers weren't looking he punches Seth right in the mouth and adds.."don't you throw my tie"

Oh the joys :)

My favorite quote ever!

"Just Take It For What It Is"

Cuddling And other random facts :) June 17, 2010 1:33 am

Cuddling, best when its with the man you love.


And Just a random note..good buddies are fun to, but just as buddies. Works out best that way i've learned. :)


Another random note? I love the fat guy named  Israel Kamakawiwo'ole.. if he weren't dead, it'd be my dream to meet him. He has the voice of an angel...a 770 lb. angel, but an angel none the less.


I love dancing in the rain. I am sooooooo stinkin happy and content right now just really! i feel great. :)
I love my new kitty tigger/tiger...i haven't decided on a good name yet. But he's still hiding out in my room and my daddy even walked in and my smart little kitty hid. I like this little guy! i wanna just keep him...


I love summer & late nights..i love being able to stay up late and sleep in. I'm kinda disappointed though..it's been a colder summer and i love the warm summer nights..we haven't had too many of those..I love the rain..but i don't like the cold that comes with it..so can i just have my way? Warm summer nights and rain..yes please.


I miss going for walks at night. I have no one to go with not to mention apparently there are creepers in Provo now. (I saw one today ekk!) soo i need a guy buddy..:( ...william? haha he wouldn't though. He's still cool though. We hung out tonight and i broke his tiki man..oops? It was very much an accident. He bought some yummy pizza though and Dr. Pepper..yummmm And Short Circuit is thee cutest movie, i love speaking cute robots. haha t'was a good night, he's a cool buddy (except when he ditches me) haha just kidding. : P (P.S. his sisters rock)


I love old music. I need to go disco skating asap! Kayla? ya hear? And i love dancin and trampolines and music and singing!! I am just full of love right now :)


It's frustrating though..i can't decide what i want to major in..I really just want to have a hubby who makes good money so i can stay home be a mommy and have a pass to the gym and be able to do my hobbies AKA hiking, biking, fun stuff, reading, painting. All the stuff that i can't do as a job haha 


I love music like norah jones, ingrid michealson, regina spektor, colbie caliat, kate Nash yeah :) ..but i also love many other types. I am a lover of ALL music. 


I had this dream last night that i had a child..he had the ugly name of Jackson..what was my mind thinking?! but he for sure was so so cute! 


I want to just fly. right now. Maybe i'll go to bed, and dream i can fly :) (instead of a baby dream) 


So good night world, i am going to go flying now. 

SWEET DREAMS!!!!!!!!!!

Orange is a VERY happy color :)

British Columbia

..Is much to far for my liking. but I'm happy my best friend gets to go! And she better take lots of pictures :)

BFF's haha yes...

Tiger Mcfluffykins

So yesterday i was playing with my dear friends TJ, Kayla and Scotty.
TJ,  Kayla and i went hiking up rock canyon in the rain and it was so nice!
I splashed through the creek in my bare feet, rain falling on my head and lighting filling the sky :)
I don't think i could have been happier.

(P.S. Interesting fitting three people in kayla's two seater truck..especially when one person is..6'5)

Then we all went to rock canyon bowl and met up with Scotty and we played Frisbee. and we also found this little kitty..THEE cutest little guy! TJ wanted to name him tigger...but i changed it..because tigger doesn't fit him..and he didn't like it either. He is so playful and fun, i've seen him at the park before..and seems like he just lives there..well its been raining a lot and i thought i'd take this cute little guy home. so he wouldn't have to rough it out in the rain. And he has just been loving it here! last night he slept with me. He is thee biggest cuddle bug. He also purs sooooo loud and he loves to curl up in my hair...I put up this ad on KSL..but no calls yet. So if you want him? He's yours.

Funny part of the story? I'm hiding him in my room...my parents would shoot me if they knew he was here...
I kinda threw him in my window last night..and he's been a refugee in my room ever since :)

Pictures are to come.

My Favorite Picture of Paul

yes--i stole this from your blog kate :)

Some Things Paul Has Said In His Emails--He's sweet :)

I think this part is for Nicole, and you guys too.

But I'm not going to lie, this week was really hard, sunday especially.  I don't know what it is about church, maybe all that extra time to think.  But I get really homesick on sundays, and those are also the very worst days to think about Nicole.  And I had a pretty awful dream on saturday involving Nicole and it kinda wrecked Sunday in advance.  Plus I haven't been able to send her any letters 'cause I don't know (or didn't know) anything about the move.  But know I do know, and for 3 more weeks I will just get my letters still at the Hoyos'.  I suspect I'll be gone this transfer anyway.  So tell everybody to keep sending letters there.  And expecially tell Nicole it's been extra hard not talking to her.  And stories about all the people who lost theirs on their missions... never helps.  I love that girl.  alot.  I can't even imagine losing her

I wanted to tell Nicole that there are enough lightning bugs in our front yard to light up the whole town. 

 

I miss Nicole alot.  Every time I see a girl on the back of a motorcycle I just kinda drift away for a minute or two, and the lightning bugs always make me think of her too.  The really bad storms make me wish she was here, I know how much she loves them, I wish we could watch them together.  I'll never take her for granted.  make sure she is the first one to get my new address.

 I pray for you all every single day.  Especially wade, kate, isaac and Nicole.  I love you all, thank you for being great and supporting me. 

 

I got a new tie this week, I got a green and silver paisley tie.  I got it because Nicole's eyes are green, and paisley always makes me think of Brad Paisley, who writes the song "Then"  ...which is mine and Nicole's song.  :)  my new favorite tie...
 

I got really really great letter from nicole this week, you can tell her that I've read it about 6 times a day since I got it.  And post up a thing that says no mail until I give you my new address.

 

Silent Thoughts

I just don't want it anymore..

I think i'm pretty sure this time..

It just doesn't feel right.

I don't like what it is and has become 

I think..

But we all know i can be fickle..

We'll see how this one all plays out.

We Killed Your Step Father

My dearest cousins and i are going to be making a band.... for the second time.

 Our first band..well didn't really make it. I think we were infringing on the rights to the name "backstreet" because we stole that from "the backstreet boys" what can i say..they were our idols! ..We did however change our name slightly. Our band name was "the back street cats" bahaha oh the imagination of little kids :) we said that to each concert we would wear black leather pants and a leather shirt and cat tails and cat ears. 

Yes we were VERY cool. Be jealous..

All in all though our band fell apart.We gave one performance to nobody..so i guess it was more of a rehearsal..We sang to the Tarzan sound track. Leash and I were the singers and Ashley was the back round..she waved pom poms around behind us. **hint: it was supposed to be fire** But we didn't have enough money..YET..to get real fire. So pom poms had to do. Anyways our band fell apart..sigh...we coulda been so so great :) 

BREAKING NEWS! EXTRA EXTRA! 

The backstreet cats are back together! With a new style!

Approximately 13 years later we are back in the business with a bigger and better idea.

We are now known as "We Killed Your Step Father" 

Our genre is Heavy Metal/Screamo.

I am bass guitarist/singer/high pitch screamer.

Leash is low pitch screamer/drummer. 

Ashley is the other guitarist/screamer/singer

"We Killed Your Step Father" is going to become the most grand legend in all of Metal history.

We will have the sickest breakdowns and the sickest beats known to all metal heads

our lyrics will kick butt 

We will easily be the best. and kill out any other metal band just by looking at them

we are that good

We will look like this

..be jealous

Utah Rain

I hate Utah rain so so so much....like it makes me just wanna scream! I love rain...and when it does rain? I take FULL advantage of it. But what i hate is the whole..rain for two seconds and then just like that its gone..


Today these huge beautiful black clouds were rolling in so fast..and it got so windy and dark. I was so excited because it seemed like finally we were gonna get a decent storm. But i was wrong of course..it's Utah, what did i expect?


The storm didn't even stay for an hour.. I miss my Missouri storms.

 The kind where the rain is warm, The kind that last for days. The kind that get so dark it seems like night time. The kind that take out trees and telephone poles, the kind that give you thunder so loud it shakes the house and lightening so bright it fills the sky with electric yellow, purple or pink. The kind that it rains so hard you can't see an inch in front or your face. The kind that comes in so fast you literally have seconds to get in the house before it hits and the only sign it's coming is a rumbling sound of wind..going so fast it makes the tops of trees touch the ground. The kind that i miss and love so much.

Yes i miss my Missouri storms with all my heart...

I miss the storms that look like this

Ode To The Training Table

So i have worked at "The Training Table" for about two years now..and can i just say..it's a shady place :)

• A while ago..our old manager dear old Jeffers got busted for drugs and stealing money..he was doing drug dealings on company time and drugs in the bathrooms....
• There was this one guy who stalked the "counter girls" who work at the training table..we ended up having to get a restraining order..
• If you walk in the employee side door..the smell of that little area when you first walk in..well.it currently smells just not quite right..
• Some of the counters are held together with...tape! 
• We've had the toilets get clogged...on oh so many occasions
• Then once upon a time..there was a water leak above the mens restroom..yes..the ceiling fell out.
• There isn't much chance for hours or a pay raise..hope you like minimum wage!!
• Today this guy just waltzed in the back door..and asked where his friend Ian (an employee) was..no no we don't lock the back doors soo if you wanna come in and rob us? yes you can..
• But hey, our food isn't that bad at all, i mean last week a hobo was digging in our trash cans..

So to all who love the Training Table?

hope i haven't killed it for ya

it really isn't terrible.

just a slight bit shady.

:)

You know when you start thinking about something and then all the sudden you just start to cry?
or maybe you just get really upset or super happy or..mad or confused whatever it is. but all in all..just totally overwhelmed with emotion

That happened today: here's how it went basically.

i was cleaning my room and picked up Paul's last letter which was on the floor..i was about to put it in my box  of all the letters he's sent and then i decided to read it instead..he is seriously THEE BIGGEST cheese ball. i have ever met in my life...what a goober. Well i was just readin through listenin to my i pod. and somehow every time i re-read his letter i find something i've missed before. and i was reading this last part of his letter and it just got to me. to top it off, right then our song came on...i basically lost it. 

Paul's Letter+Our song+Missing him = Insta-Cry!

i really do miss him a lot..it just is poo sometimes. 

 my friends..are soooo lucky! they dont understand how lucky they are to have their loves so close to them! 

A call away, a text away, or a mile drive away (or more) but a do able distance..I hope they never take for granted the fact that they have their loves so close to them, because it never should be taken for granted. I miss having my love so close to me.. really i do. i miss the hugs the kisses the fun nights...

• driving home and half way there..his car runs out of gas..my daddy had to come save us.
• lunch with mike and sar..one time he was wearing his brad paisley shirt and he threw me in a snow bank, i dragged him in with me. :)
• surprising him at his house with mike and sar during lunch one time with pizza
• us driving around looking at christmas lights...we see a car with an obama sticker on it..Paul-"i wanna pee on it!!" Me-"..lets do it" Paul-"really? ok!" Paul-"..do you have to pee?" Me-"actually not so much.." Paul-"next obama car we see were gonna pee on it"
• Sitting in a parking lot for like two hours car off and its night time..what are we doing? ..Eating of course!
• Him picking me up from school on his motorcylce multiple times :) Going to get pizza.
• I had a bad day, he surprised me and took my for a motorcycle ride, just what i needed
• He tried throwing lemonade out the car window..and missed..he was covered. :)
• Going up to that one place that you aren't supposed to be at..then a cop drives by..uh oh. we got away and didn't get caught..we're so sneaky
• His back scratches...or caresses as he calls them
• Family night with his family, meeting his uncles and them kneeling down saying something along the lines of nice to meet you my lady..(i actually cant remember what they said exactly..but they did kneel down)
• At his farewell, mandy throwing a fit because paul took her place on my lap with his head...mandy got her way of course :)
• The night before the farewell..enough said
• cupcake fight at mikes..sarah and i broke a plate.
• Giving a can of beans to a hobo...who was eating steak..
• going to the mall with wade and issac to get video games
• Up in mikes tree :) watching marley and me together cuddled on the couch..
• playing with my little sisters
• running around my basement trying to tickle each other :)
• Going to get the fish tank stuff and i found a puppy i wanted...
• paul talking to my daddy for an hour...while i was upstairs..those two
• Going to bridal veil falls..falling in the river, and mud everywhere.
• Going to nickle cade right before he left for alaska
• At mikes-paul and i are on his deck. he's givin me these sweet kisses and holdin me oh so tight.i try to get up to leave, he pulls me back and says "I'm not done with you yet!"

If you couldn't tell? i can go on and on...I love the many adventures we've had, and i love this boy so much :) and i am excited to see him again. 

  

My Favorite Senior Pictures

well..there are a lot more but..

it takes to long to load them so look at my face book :)

Senior Album

Beautiful NIght

So tonight i was driving home and as i got farther up the mountain towards my house. it was like i was driving in the clouds. basically because i was..

it was breathe taking. i even turned off my Taylor Swift music which is saying something...

"i drove through the clouds.  They were moving and shimmering in my headlights.."

i loved it...and i love how rain makes cool things like fog. 

Fish tanks

So I'm not very good at them...
And When Paul left he left me with his fish tank.
Well.. out of the 8 fish and stuff...only one has survived.
Apparently..it's harder than it looks..

R.I.P.

Johnny

June

Josh

Reba

Taylor

whats his name

&hank

The only survivor is Bradley..I like him :) He doesn't die.

And then i went and bought some new fishies and out of those six..three have died..

R.I.P.

Fish one

Fish two 

and quasimodo..(the crab)

He crawled out of the tank and dried up

Disclaimer: I am NOT responsible for his death!

Hitler, squirt and penelope and crab 1 have survived :) go me! I'm not a total fail on this one.

yay for fishtanks! and...the people who can't seem to keep fish alive. 

Sorry for the 10 who have taken a ride down the porcelain express...It's not my fault you fishies are weaklings..and just up and decide to die on me.

...i fed you.. 

Scary Provo

Today a girl got raped and beaten in Provo..right on the provo river trail. where i have biked before...

here's the news link: Search continues for man who brutally beat and raped college student -- chicagotribune.com
www.chicagotribune.com

My daddy always is soo protective of where i go and he always wants me to have someone with me..even in broad daylight which i didn't get..but guess what this happened in broad daylight..oh dear..i think i get it now. Even in provo, there are crazies.. thank you daddy for always watching out for me. 

today was a good day!

well! 

first off, it rained.

second, i took a ride on a Honda 1800, my new dream bike!

third, i played with my big brother.

three ingredients for a good day.

has anyone told you how therapeutic it is to dance in the rain?

it is like insta-happy! oh how i love the rain. its....my secret lover. :)

And ohhhhh that Honda 1800..it was like a pure high riding on that thing. loud and fast and ridiculously good looking. just how a bike should be.

Lastly i luff my big brother. so much. he is a cool cat. we went shopping and he put up with me and shopping. what a great guy! then we went to his friends to play and i met the girly he likes :)

as i said before. today was a good day. 

this friend of mine..

Well i have this friend, and we used to be such grand friends.

    like the best of the best of friends. since fifth grade..

We have had many a good times together..but as sometimes happens 

we grew very far apart.

Why? 

I am actually not sure..i think the main factors were that:

1. i moved.

& 

2. she got herself a man.

i went out to visit her last summer and we had so much fun. 

but when i got home for some reason or another we never got to talk much. i'd call her and text her here or there. but she was always busy. then when i wanted to talk to her really bad because my man had left..she accused that the only reason i was talking to her was because Paul was gone..that was a big ouch.i remember that conversation really well. i still tried to keep contact but for some reason it got harder and harder to get in touch. So i didn't try as much and i don't remember the last time we really talked.

then.. yesterday she called me. and said "i understand if you don't want to talk to me but..." 

and then went on to tell me how her boyfriend of a year and a half broke up with her...

i honestly didn't have much to say..i felt bad that he did..it's an extremely hard thing! and i wanted to be able to help but i feel so distant from her i don't know how much help i'd be..because i didn't even know what to say!I had no idea how to say those magic words i used to be able to say to her that would make her feel better! ..i felt so bad that i didn't know what to say.

i suggested maybe she should come here or something, not thinking she could. because she's givin excuse after excuse of why she can't..but miraculously she said ok and she even talked to her dad and figured out a way she could..

i was shocked actually. and i realized that all the excuses she had said before weren't valid and she just didn't want to leave her boyfriend..i even confronted her about that scenario a while back, but thats when she got mad at me and told me i was only talking to her because Paul was gone and what not. 

It kind of amazes me that all the sudden she can come out to visit now that her boy is out of the picture. :(

i feel like a used tissue sort of. sitting on the shelf when i'm not needed and then snotted on when i am. 

here is the thing..i want to be there for her but i don't know how well i'd help out..i don't know what to say..and i'm happy that she knows she can come to me..it's nice knowing you're a friend that people know they can go to. 

However, i'm not sure how i feel about her coming out here..

this may be childish and greedy sounding but here's to total honesty!!

Last time she came out here..

we had very much fun..

but she kissed the guy i liked!!

a lot..

ouch.

poop.

ugh..

..it's not like i have any guys for her to kiss and steal now a days..but this is my life..i tried to include her and keep her in it but she didn't have time! but now that he's gone she all the sudden does..

my solution is that 

i need time to think on this one..

P.S. she did text me here and there..so its not like she was totally vacant..but for the most part it was always me tryin to talk to her. but not 100% of the time.