this friend of mine..

Well i have this friend, and we used to be such grand friends.

    like the best of the best of friends. since fifth grade..

We have had many a good times together..but as sometimes happens 

we grew very far apart.

Why? 

I am actually not sure..i think the main factors were that:

1. i moved.

& 

2. she got herself a man.

i went out to visit her last summer and we had so much fun. 

but when i got home for some reason or another we never got to talk much. i'd call her and text her here or there. but she was always busy. then when i wanted to talk to her really bad because my man had left..she accused that the only reason i was talking to her was because Paul was gone..that was a big ouch.i remember that conversation really well. i still tried to keep contact but for some reason it got harder and harder to get in touch. So i didn't try as much and i don't remember the last time we really talked.

then.. yesterday she called me. and said "i understand if you don't want to talk to me but..." 

and then went on to tell me how her boyfriend of a year and a half broke up with her...

i honestly didn't have much to say..i felt bad that he did..it's an extremely hard thing! and i wanted to be able to help but i feel so distant from her i don't know how much help i'd be..because i didn't even know what to say!I had no idea how to say those magic words i used to be able to say to her that would make her feel better! ..i felt so bad that i didn't know what to say.

i suggested maybe she should come here or something, not thinking she could. because she's givin excuse after excuse of why she can't..but miraculously she said ok and she even talked to her dad and figured out a way she could..

i was shocked actually. and i realized that all the excuses she had said before weren't valid and she just didn't want to leave her boyfriend..i even confronted her about that scenario a while back, but thats when she got mad at me and told me i was only talking to her because Paul was gone and what not. 

It kind of amazes me that all the sudden she can come out to visit now that her boy is out of the picture. :(

i feel like a used tissue sort of. sitting on the shelf when i'm not needed and then snotted on when i am. 

here is the thing..i want to be there for her but i don't know how well i'd help out..i don't know what to say..and i'm happy that she knows she can come to me..it's nice knowing you're a friend that people know they can go to. 

However, i'm not sure how i feel about her coming out here..

this may be childish and greedy sounding but here's to total honesty!!

Last time she came out here..

we had very much fun..

but she kissed the guy i liked!!

a lot..

ouch.

poop.

ugh..

..it's not like i have any guys for her to kiss and steal now a days..but this is my life..i tried to include her and keep her in it but she didn't have time! but now that he's gone she all the sudden does..

my solution is that 

i need time to think on this one..

P.S. she did text me here and there..so its not like she was totally vacant..but for the most part it was always me tryin to talk to her. but not 100% of the time.