dear blog,

i have a lot on my mind this day,
i had a great day, i really did. I woke up
and went to school and it was good, no complaints.
I'm slowly but surely getting more and more done with
all the school work I've been procrastinating on. In
seminary we talked about the Book of  Mormon.
We talked about how much it means to us.
We watched Jeffery R. Hollands talk on the
Book of Mormon he gave at the last October
General Conference.. it made me cry. it really touched me.
I can never doubt that book ever. It means so much to me,
and i know it's true. I came home and checked the mail..
I'm such a nerd i get so excited to check everyday...now it's
such a habit i even will check it on Sundays..even though
no mail comes. No letters today but that's ok. I haven't mailed my
letter yet because i don't have his new address. I'm waiting.
I hope he doesn't mind. I went to my internship and got some
homework done but there is nothing to do at internship anymore.
We only have three patients in right now. Which is good, but..
that leaves nothing to do. When i got home from internship i got in shower.
And let hot water wash over me and i just thought..about so many things.
About life and how it can be so hard at times but so good to. I just remembered
so many different memories and they flooded my mind. I thought about all
the guys I've ever fallen for..and what happened with each guy. I thought about
Paul and the two before him. And i thought about each of them, and i thought
how much I've grown up. The years I've left behind. What have done with them.
Who have I become? I thought about my Paul and how much i miss him, but how
happy i am that he chose to be where he is. Then my hot water ran out
and that's always poo...i got out and just sat in the bathroom thinking.
Forever it seemed. Today life, the past, and the future was just eating
away at my mind. It wasn't bad, but it put in an a very weird mood..I thought
about Paul so much, and my friends. and where I'm going in life. Well,
I just got really down, after thinking so much which doesn't make much sense. I was
thinking about things and they weren't sad at all, but actually I did start to miss Paul
a lot..i looked threw the pictures he gave me, they make me laugh :) he is such a cutie.
I'm so lucky. But i did miss him today, I went and bought myself juice and mango's as
treat, and that helped :) as food usually does. I need to get out of that habit or i might
look roly poly one day. Well..life is good. I am happy and i feel so content with things.
Yet there is so much mystery in the life ahead of me and the still so much i can learn
form the past that's behind. On days where i just think, i learn. and i wonder.
and i like days today, even though i missed my Paul. a lot. It was still good.
and i know that everything is always going to be ok and i have so much to
look forward to..life is so terrifying, but exciting at the same time. It's wonderful.
its scary but i love it, the hard the good, the sad, the happy, everything.
i love life. and I'll never give it up. Dear blog, i want you to know i love life.
everything about it. And I'm grateful for all that i have. Thank you life. for being
so good to me, we had some rough times and we'll have rough times ahead to,
but I've enjoyed my ride so far. So thanks,
love always and forever,
Nicole LaRee Roberts