To My Blog.

well i am supposed to have studied for a test..
i should have studied for this other test too..
but i didn't..today i didn't go to my internship
because.....................................
i had every intention to study for the test that
so desperately calls for study time.
but i didn't study..and im 30+ hours behind
in hours for my internship..ohh dear...
this shall be interesting..but despite me not doing
anything. i feel so peaceful and calm and ok.
thanks to yoga. i did yoga today for the first time
since sar bear took me. It was soo good. i had almost
forgot just how good yoga is..

So on a side note, yesterday i blew my top.
my sister has a tendency to take my clothes
and wear them with out asking. I have asked her
millions of times to please ask..but she never has.
It is frustrating. I have talked to her asked nicely
yelled got upset ect. ect. ect... and yesterday she
walked up to the house in..
my pants
my tank top
my shirt..
all mine..no asking involved..she just took.
I was furious. she walks in the door.
"Melissa you didn't ask"
I know i know"
"Go put it all away now"
"All right fine!"
Tension building.
The thought enters my mind..
take all her clothes and hide them

(I have threatened to do this before)

This time i did it. Even though this little voice told me not to..
Uh-Oh..
She is coming.. she walks in her room and i made a snooty comment.
"have fun getting dressed"
She finds them..
"Have fun putting it all away"
She replies..
"Have funny putting it all away." mockingly.
I go down stairs. guilt sets in. i think..Nicole you jerk.
P.S.? it was not satisfying and all in the least..
I got mad at myself..i went upstairs and started helping her
as i was helping i was just going on and on to her
in a not so friendly upset voice of how she has no respect for me.
She never listens to what i ask her do to. blah blah ...
at least thats how it sounded to her. Then i asked her in again..
an upset voice what can i do to get you to listen..
In a VERY SNOTTY voice.."i don't know.."

Top blown.

I took all the clothes i folded and put away and threw them angrily on the ground
and slammed the door..

i run into my father.
"Hello nicole"
HI
"what are you up to?"
leaving.
"where to"
my internship
"are you ok"

EXPLOSION

"NO IM NOT! MELISSA HAS NO RESPECT FOR ME! SHE WONT LISTEN
NO MATTER WHAT I SAY OR DO! SHE DOESNT GIVE A RATS A@# ABOUT
WHAT I SAY! SHE DOESNT CARE I HATE THAT SHE HAS NO RESPECT!
I HATE IT!! I DONT CARE ABOUT THE CLOTHES JUST ABOUT THE FACT
SHE HAS NO RESPECT FOR ME OR MY REQUESTS....blah de blah de blah..
dad says "nicole calm down"
dad says "its only hurting you to be this up set."
tears streaming down my face
yelling at the top of my lungs still
angry and upset

"WELL IT SHOULD HURT HER TO! BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH.."

then i leave. sit in my car. and bawl my eyes out.
I get to my internship and call her about ten times.
she wont talk to me. i cry more. i feel awful.

talk about overreaction..talk about crazy unnecessary things said and done.
How immature and childish of me to do..all building from that one little choice
to seek revenge. it was stupid and did not even feel satisfying. it was stupid.

i felt horrible. like the biggest jerk around.
she;s my little sister..the thought crosses my mind.
"i bet she hates you now"

i get a text from my dad..
"i dont know what you said but i have never
seen her cry this hard ever"

.................
............
......ouch..

I call her again..finally she talks to me.
I say sorry and that when i get home her and i are leaving.
she says ok.

so i go home and she gets ready and we leave.
silence in the car. music in the backround.

finally i say a brief sorry..and so does she.
then it spills. im sorry! i was snooty! me to!
i surprise her with getting ice cream. we laugh together.

Forgiveness : )

We laughed and talked and laughed.
then we went to the pet store.
first wall mart. bad service.
we leave. and get McDonald's.
yum..but so bad for you.

Then we get to pets mart and she picks out two crabs and gets to hold a snake.
she is happy and so am i. we visit our Mommy at work on our way home
crawl up to her desk and wave a feather duster around to catch her attention.
she comes over laughing. :)

then back home.

lesson learned. NEVER ever ever again will i overreact so bad. its awful
horrible
unnecessary.
stupid.
and it makes me feel like a jerk.
MY LITTLE SISTER DESERVES TO BE TREATED THE BEST.
..i need to always remember that.
i love her more than anything ever she is MY little sis.
time to be the big sister she deserves 100% of the time.

I LOVE YOU MELISSA ANN ROBERTS!!!